long night

it's 3 am and I can't fall asleep.  for the first time, I woke henry up and fed him instead of the other way around.  he can nurse four hours before his surgery, which is scheduled for 7:30 this morning, check-in at 6, so hopefully he won't get hungry before then.  they will be removing his lymph angioma today, and as you can guess from the sleeplessness...I'm a little nervous.  he will be spending the night at the hospital, and then we should be coming home on Thursday.  I'm sure everything will be fine, he's in really good hands.  however, I was looking for excuses to cancel :)  I guess his little runny nose doesn't quite cut it as one.  he is six months old today--I can't believe so much time has gone by already and he has changed and grown so much.  sheesh, I never used to get so sentimental about stuff, and I also didn't worry half as much about someone either.  But I suppose it comes with the territory--motherhood.  it wasn't an easy decision to actually have this surgery in the first place.  since it is benign, I guess we don't necessarily have to have it removed.  and since I think my baby boy is just beautiful the way he is, it's difficult to ask them to remove it.  in fact, it's pretty rare, which I think makes him even more special :)  at the same time, we knew that if we didn't have it done, he would want it done someday.  this way, he won't have any memory of the surgery, and he won't be scared for it. I also want to protect him from the pain that can happen on the playground.  everyone knows we live in a world where we are all too often defined by physical appearance, and I don't want henry to become known as the kid with that thing on his neck.  Instead, I would much rather give his personality a chance to outshine everything else--henry the kid with all the energy that likes to run around and explore (based on his current behavior, this is my future premonition, we'll see if it turns out true).  So even though it isn't necessary medically speaking, it is something we can actually control that will be of some benefit to his future self-esteem.  And I guess we should take those opportunities when we can get them, because from what I know so far, there isn't a whole lot that we are going to be able to control :)  everyday is filled with decisions, we just do what we hope is right out of love.